The Universe Has Lessons

I am a firm believer that there is a lesson to be learned in each and everything we do in life.  Every experience, every emotion, every success, every failure, every happiness, every heartache.  They’re all teachable moment.  I think often people miss out on this crucial element in life.  They allow themselves to become consumed with failure and heartache, they bask in their successes and happiness, but they forget to ask themselves what the universe is attempting to teach them.  They forget to sit back and reflect on events and emotions to find out what the meaning, what the grandeur lessons behind those feelings and emotions are.  Maybe they don’t forget, perhaps self reflection just isn’t part of their thought process.

            I recently experienced something, well not exactly something.  Something is singular and I’ve experience a hell of a lot more than just something, some singular thing.  I experienced several things, things with an 's', plural.  Emotions have been coursing through my heart, my thoughts, my body, for the past several weeks providing no relief from feeling.  I basked in the short lived happiness.  I reveled in my success. I bathed in love.  And I forgot about self reflection.  I forgot about the lesson.  The universe smiled upon me, as a wise elder smiles upon a young child knowing there is a lesson to be learned in their naïve happiness, but not wanting to taint the moment with reality.

            I run.  I enjoy running.  I love running.  I’ve adopted the philosophy “I run therefore I am” in my life and used it to define me.  When I have a great day all I want to do is allow my legs to carry me as far away possible and as fast as they can.  I want the air to kiss my skin as I pass through it.  I want my lungs to inhale life.  I want my body to feel as good as my heart and my mind.  I am a runner.  When the universe decides I need to learn a lesson, I too want to run.  I want my legs to carry me as far away as fast as possible.  I don’t care about the air on my skin or the breath in my lungs.  I don’t care about the destination.  In fact, I’d be quite content to continue running without stopping.  I’d be content to live forever on the run.  Sometimes I even attempt a life long run.  When my heart feels fear I start to prepare my things and pack up shop.  I trade my sandals in for running shoes and put a little distance between myself and that which I fear.  Then, when the hurt comes, it always comes, I take off in a mad sprint in the opposite direction.  I run.  I run in hopes of out running the lesson.  I run in hopes of feeling nothing, feeling numb.  I run as fast and as far away as possible and I out run hurt.  Silly thing is, as much as I want to keep running you have to slow down and catch your breath every once in a while.  These brief breaks are just enough to allow hurt to catch up and smack you in the back knocking that much needed breath out of your lungs leaving you gasping for air, gasping for life.  I know this, yet, I attempt to out run hurt regardless.

I took a chance recently.  I took a chance on several different things, there’s that ‘s’ again, things, plural.  I took a chance on acceptance.  I took a chance on friendships.  I took a chance with love.  For the first time I looked fear in the face and said “Fuckin’ bring it!”  Don’t get me wrong, that’s not to say I didn’t feel scared.  It breathed down my neck as a constant reminder whispering in my ear all the possible emotions to be felt while I attempted to take in each happiness, each success, each moment of love and push fear away denying its presence as much as I possibly could.  But I didn’t run.  I’m a runner.  It’s what I do.  And I didn’t do it.  I didn’t run.  I stood my ground and again said, “Fuckin’ bring it!”  You really shouldn’t challenge the universe.  You shouldn’t swear at it either.  Or flip it off.  It is far more powerful than you and can manipulate situations in ways you never anticipated.  I said it not once, but twice, and the universe heard.  The universe fuckin’ brought it.

I like swimming.  Ok, I love swimming.  There’s something about cool water providing relief to your warm skin on a hot summers day.  There’s something relaxing in the monotony of swimming across a pool back and forth for hours.  It provides a clarity unfound elsewhere.  I love swimming so much I often dive in without testing out the water first.  I dove in, head first, only to realize too late, there was no water.  I wasn’t given the opportunity to sink or swim.  Drowning wasn’t an option for there was no water to envelop me, filling my lungs as it pulled me under.  There was only air separating my body from the bottom.  There was just the bottom.  It was just me, staring at it, waiting for my head to collide with the concrete and then my body to follow knowing this would be the end result, but not being able to stop myself mid fall.  I was falling.  I was falling fast.  And as I hit the bottom the universe whispered, “You said to bring it…” Oh how I wished in this moment I could look the universe in the eyes and scream profanities, but look where that got me.  Instead I said confused, “But I didn’t run, I didn’t run this time.”  And the universe responded, “Everything in life is a lesson.  You have lessons to learn, so learn them.”

 I’ve learned a lot recently.  I’ve learned a lot about myself and who I am.  I’ve learned who I want to be.  I’ve learned what the meaning of love is and that in its purest form, it is unconditional.  I’ve learned that even when you dive into something full force it doesn’t mean you’ll end up with the results you want.  The results are the universe’s to decide.  The wise universe has lessons to teach, and we humans have lessons to learn.  I’ve learned several lessons recently and know there’s only more to come.  Life is a lesson.  Everything in it is a teachable moment.  You are the one who has to decide what you’re going to take from each and every moment.  I still have 26,736 days and a wake up left on this earth.  The universe has much in store for me to learn in that time and I will not run from it.  I don’t know that I’ll be diving into anything full force without testing out the water beforehand either, but I won’t run.  I am a runner, but it is not who I am anymore.  I am a runner who will no longer run.